I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
