he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
