if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
