This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You're so nebulous sometimes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
