What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
