I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
is it fun? or sober?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
