Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
