My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
