Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
