Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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