wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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