well you can't waste a boner
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You made out with two different species that night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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