I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
