How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
