Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
