You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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