sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
there's paper in my vomit.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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