Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
