I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
