Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
