Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
