last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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