You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
