I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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