Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
3 2 1 whiskey
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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