Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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