Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
