put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
