I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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