Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's blow job season.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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