i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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