just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
