Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
