Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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