I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
