why didn't you poke me back
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
