That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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