I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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