Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
