happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
