ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
