I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
