we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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