I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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