is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
