you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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