It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
