I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
