Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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