my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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