Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
