what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
