well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
