she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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